Conflicts of the Spirit
by Stargazer Nataku
Summary: An AU fic dealing with Oz Lieutenant Commander San Mizuhara, pilot of Gundam Valkyrie.


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Disclaimer:This is a Gundam Wing alternate universe fic that was written off a Yahoo! Club RPG I once took part in.San was the character I played, and is completely mine.Janus was created by my friend Phil, and Tetra by my friend berz.They allowed me to integrate them into my fic once I got past the first half, which is primarily made up of the RPG posts that I drew into a story form to allow San a satisfactory ending.I use their ideas with permission.The only true Gundam characters contained within are Treize Kushrenada and Quatre.Please R&R as feedback to a writer is like water to a dying man in a desert.Thanks much!Enjoy

Conflicts of the Spirit

By

Stargazer Nataku

**_ _**

San Mizuhara straightened her uniform before exiting the transport plane that had just arrived at the Oz base on the Southern coast of France.She stood for a moment in the doorway of the plane, surveying her new command, her brown eyes burning with intensity.The young Japanese woman's hair was cut short, so it hung about chin length, and whipped about her face in the wind.Reaching out, she placed a slender hand on the railing to the stairs and descended, looking down to see a young soldier waiting.The instant she looked at him, his hand snapped up into a crisp salute, which he held until she was directly in front of him.

"Lieutenant Commander Mizuhara?I've been sent to give you a tour of the base and give you needed information."

"Thank you.What is your name?"

"Larousse, sir."

"Are you my second in command?"

"No, sir, I am not."

"Who is?"

"His name is Lieutenant Janus Sors Immanis, sir."

"Why is he not here to meet me?" No annoyance in her voice, merely a questioning tone.

"Because he is out on patrol."

"Very well.Now tell me, what are my men and I equipped with?"

"We have standard MS's.Aeries, Leos, Pieces, Cancer.And then there's Valkyrie."Together they had come up to a large building that stood huge over them.The man stepped over and provided the passwords to open a small door in the side of the building, passing the two guards there with no questions asked.San followed him in and, in her amazement, raised her eyebrows when he flipped the lights on.

Standing before her was a large, heavily armored mobile suit colored mainly navy blue, with aspects of white and red.For a moment she was speechless.She took it in, noting the details on the suit before daring to ask the question that had formed in her mind the instant she saw the mobile suit."Is that a Gundam, soldier?"

"Yes, sir it is.Her name's Valkyrie, and she's yours."

"Fitting name for it, is it not?"

"Sir?"

"The Valkyries collected the souls of the dead from the battlefields in old Norse mythology.A lesser known myth has them as the ones who choose the souls to be taken."She took several steps forward.

Larousse spoke again."You have quite a reputation as a skilled pilot, just like your late husband.He was a good man.I served with him years ago, just after he graduated from the academy."

"He was," San acquiesced, turning back, "Is it based on a standard mobile suit?"

"It is."

"I should have no trouble learning to pilot it then." San paused, glancing over her shoulder again at the Valkyrie."But there will be time to learn about it later."

"Of course," Larousse said, "Allow me to show you to your quarters."

"That would be fine, thank you."

Stepping back out of the hangar, the light was shut off, obscuring Valkyrie in the shadowy darkness.

Once in her quarters, San placed the one bag she was carrying down on the bed.The quarters were sparse, but she had neither been expecting nor wanting more.There was a small bed, a nightstand, a small closet, and a chair.The walls were white and bare, and the floor was a cold grayish tile.

She unpacked quickly, hanging her two extra uniforms in the closet with a business-like attitude.There were only a few more items in the bag and she removed them quickly.She pulled out some comfortable clothes for sleeping and refolded them, putting them on the top shelf of the closet.Then, she took out the last item in the bag, her only true personal item.It was a framed photograph of a young, smiling Japanese man in an identical Oz uniform.She looked at it for a moment then set it down on the bedside table and turned away, drawing the drapes and lying down on the bed to rest.

She lay there for an eternity it seemed, staring at the ceiling, willing sleep to come, but it remained as elusive and untouchable as the smiling man in the photograph.Her thoughts meandered as she lay, wide awake, on the bunk, and after a moment, she rolled over, her eyes falling onto the picture.

'I'm not a weak woman,' San told herself softly, 'I've never had that luxury.I have too much to prove and too much to fight for.'She sighed, and turned away from the picture, feeling as though his smile was burning into her back.

The next morning, San appeared on the command deck, no traces of her sleepless night appearing on her face.The soldiers there snapped to attention, and she waved them back to their jobs.Walking over to the one who was obviously in charge, San spoke softly yet firmly. "Has Lieutenant Sors Immanis returned yet?"

The young man hesitated for a moment before speaking."No, sir."

"When was he due back?"

"Almost twelve hours ago, Commander."

"Have you attempted to contact him?"

"Yes, sir.No response."San paused.

"There's been no communication at all?"

"No, sir."

"Very well.Send four Aries out to find him and bring him back here.If he is able upon his return, send him to my office.I need to speak with him."

"Sir."

San was putting her office in order almost four hours later when she heard a knock on the door.Straightening herself, she spoke firmly, "Enter."The door slid open and a young man with silver hair and green eyes entered the room, his face emotionless.Yet still, with closer observation, she noticed a burning intelligence in his eyes.Intrigued, San spoke first."Lieutenant Sors Immanis, is it?"

He nodded."You wished to see me, sir?"

"Yes I did.Please, have a seat."She motioned to the chair facing her desk, watching as he sat, guarding his silence.San moved around the desk, standing directly in front of him, then leaned against the edge of her desk, brushing several wisps of stray black hair out of her face and meeting his sea green eyes with her own grey ones.She stayed silent a long moment, regarding him frankly, before speaking."In case you weren't informed, my name is Commander San Mizuhara.I am your new superior officer, and there are a few things that I need to make clear.To begin, orders are to be obeyed.You are to return from your missions by the set time from this point forward, unless an emergency has taken place, in which case you are to report in immediately.Consider this your first and only warning.If this ever happens again, you will be taken off of long-range patrols.

"Secondly.I'm expecting cooperation from you as I work to get into routines here.I'm going to need your help, and I expect it.Don't make this any more difficult than it already will be.Do you have any questions?"

"No, sir."

"Good.You're dismissed to your duties then."As he turned to leave, she spoke again.

"Oh, Lieutenant.One more thing."He paused, not turning to face her, and San continued, her eyes boring into his back."I heard about the damage to your Leo.It was interesting.Must have been quite a battle."

His eyes narrowed slightly, "It always is."

"Of course.Well, in the future I suggest you be more cautious, Lieutenant.You wouldn't want to get into trouble, would you?"San raised an eyebrow, waiting patiently for his reply.

"I will be more careful, sir.Is that all?"

"Yes Lieutenant, that's all," she paused, "For now.You're dismissed."

He took a step, getting ready to leave.San fought down a smile.She could almost tell what he was thinking.A normal officer would never have considered that he had damaged his own mobile suit, yet she had called him on it without punishment.There would be time for that later, should the need arise.

Janus was just about to leave the office, pondering, when a frantic Oz soldier ran in.The harbinger hastily saluted before giving his news.

"Sir, there's been a Gundam sighting.Actually, there might be multiple Gundams!"

"You don't know how many there are?" Janus asked.

"No, sir," the man paused a moment and took a deep breath "because the carrier that spotted them has been completely destroyed."Janus inhaled sharply, glancing over at San who was standing now, looking at the man with a neutral face and composure even as her grey eyes betrayed her concern."I'm sorry, sir, but that's all we know."They both looked to San, and she looked back, eyes narrowing, knowing that this was her first real test of leadership.

"Orders, Commander?" Janus asked her.San turned around to look out the window, feeling the need to distance herself for a moment.She drew upon her reserves of strength and spoke. 

"This is an interesting twist of fate. I was informed of the Gundam assault, but I had no idea it had come this far this quickly."She paused for a long moment, staring out the window at the base, before turning back to the two men.

"Where is the battle taking place?"

"Just off the coast to the south of us, sir," the soldier informed her.

"Very well.We are the closest base then."

"Yes, sir."

"Fine. Soldier, send a message informing the higher ups of our situation.Tell them we're sending a squad out to investigate and gather data."

"Sir." The soldier turned and left the room at a run to follow her orders.San waited until he was gone then spoke to Janus.

"I haven't had time to prepare to pilot my own mobile suit.Besides, I think it best we not show our ace in the hole yet."She paused."Prepare six Aries.Find five other pilots to accompany you out to the battlefield." She turned, meeting Janus' eyes firmly. "Do not engage the Gundams in battle unless you are attacked first.You need to go in, get as much information as you can, and get out.The info's no good if you can't bring it back. 

"Maintain strict radio silence unless you need backup and stay sharp.I don't need to tell you the importance of your mission.If we're to do well in this war, we need the data.Do you have any questions, Lieutenant?"

"No, sir," Janus told her, leaving the room without being dismissed and heading for the hangars.

After Janus left her office, San headed straight for the hangar.She crossed the compound, deep in thought, barely responding to the salutes of her men.'Things are happening too quickly. I had no idea the rebels were this advanced in their preparations.There is no time for delay now.'She arrived at the hangar and entered, climbing into the cockpit of Valkyrie.'Hm. Layout is similar to an Aries.This won't be as difficult as I was expecting.Good.'In the darkness of the hangar, Valkyrie's eyes flared green, and it began to move, allowing San to prepare for the battles she knew were coming.

She had been there for an indeterminate amount of time when suddenly, she felt an explosion rock the hangar.Instantly, she activated Valkyrie's comm. system, connecting to the command center."This is Commander Mizuhara.What's going on?"

"We're under attack!It's a Gundam!"The young soldier sounded panicked, and she calmed her own voice in an attempt to reassure him.

"All right, soldier.Contact Lieutenant Sors Immanis and get him back here right now.Scramble the other pilots and get them into mobile suits.If it can fight, I want it manned and into battle.Also, contact main headquarters and give them a report. Let them know exactly what's going on.In the meantime, I'm taking Valkyrie out."San cut the connection and hurriedly opened the hangar door, bursting out into the bright light of the Provence day.Quickly checking her readouts, she saw the enemy Gundam straight ahead and launched Valkyrie at it, face set in confident concentration."Lets see what you can do Valkyrie."

San drew the chain whip and charged it quickly, swinging it down towards the enemy Gundam.The other Gundam twisted so San's whip wrapped around the other mecha's arm harmlessly.San jerked back on the whip, trying to free it, but it stuck and she looked up just in time to see the whip the other Gundam carried flying towards Valkyrie.It wrapped itself around Valkyrie's neck, and San found herself trapped two places, unable to back off to recover from this initial defeat.She was about to throw the Valkyrie backwards in an attempt to free herself, but it was too late.The rebel Gundam's fist came flying towards her, and knew she didn't have time to react.Eyes narrowing, she steeled herself, waiting for the blow from the other Gundam's fist.

There was nothing. San watched as the fist froze midswing.For a long moment, they stood frozen, Gundam staring at Gundam, until there was a bright flare as a Leo fired at the rebel.

The other pilot seemed to be shocked out of the moment, and pulled away from San's whip, drawing back with her own.In a second, the pilot pushed Valkyrie down and took several steps backward, heading at a run towards to the ocean.

San herself did not move for a long moment and watched, shocked, as the rebel Gundam disappeared into the ocean."Why…why did that pilot stop short?They could have finished me here and now…" A beep startled her back to her senses, and San quickly gathered her thoughts as she watched her soldiers racing forward, following the retreating Gundam.Keeping her voice level, San turned on her communicator and spoke."Break off the attack and return to the hangars.It's gone." 

They returned to the hangars, yet San remained, staring out over the ocean from the cockpit of Valkyrie.

A while later, San left the Valkyrie in its berth and walked to the command center of the base in a bit of a dream, shrugging off an offer of medical attention.She entered the room and everyone instantly snapped to attention."At ease," she ordered, "Has the battle data been compiled?"

"Yes sir," the young officer in charge told her, offering a small stack of papers.San took it silently, skimming it briefly before speaking.

"Thank you."She turned to address the whole room."You all did well.Reaction time was as good as I could ask for.You're to be commended."

She turned and walked out of the room and down the hall to her office.Sitting down in the chair, she cast the report onto her desk and instead of analyzing it, pulled open the top drawer of her desk, removing a framed photograph, looking over the faces of the six people within.There was a fairly youthful Japanese couple with four children, two boys and two younger girls.She was still staring at the picture when she was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Laying the picture back in the drawer and shutting it quickly, she looked up and spoke."Enter."The door slid open and her second in command stepped in, meeting her gaze.

"Lieutenant Sors Immanis reporting for debriefing."San cleared her mind and set it back onto the task at hand, removing it from the past.

"Come in Lieutenant."He entered, standing before her desk.San did not rise, nor did she ask Janus to sit."Its good to see you back in one piece.Did you get any information?"

Janus cleared his throat and began to speak."Yes, we gained some information.There is at least one more colony Gundam active in the area, besides the one you fought here."He tossed a disk onto her desk. "Those are the specs.It was all we could get before it disappeared.It's not much.I apologize that we could do so little."

"You brought back needed information and got all your men out in the process.I hardly call that little, Lieutenant.In my opinion, it was a highly successful mission.Now, I know you understand this but the higher ups wanted me to make this extremely clear.We've been ordered to keep these incidents as quiet as we can.Information on the Gundams and their pilots, should we come by it, is strictly classified.You're not to discuss this with anyone except myself.Do you have any questions for me, Lieutenant?"

"No sir, I understand completely," Janus said.

"Thank you.You're dismissed."He left the office, and San turned back to the reports she had to review.

After a few minutes of silence, a beeping from the comm. system interrupted San as she sat reading.Reaching over, she hit the button in front of the panel on her desk, causing the screen to flicker to life, showing one of the soldiers in the command center."Commander Mizuhara? Incoming message for you, sir."

"Very well.Please put it through to my console."

"Yes, sir."The screen went black for a moment, and when it lit up again, San saluted the General there.

"Commander Mizuhara."

"Sir."

"I've just finished reviewing the information collected from your base.You took Valkyrie out."

"Hai, General, I did."

"This says that had the Gundam not retreated at the last minute, you would not have survived the encounter.May I remind you that the Valkyrie is not a toy? Oz depends on that mobile suit to win this war."

"I realize that sir."

"Now, you are absolutely sure you have no idea why the Gundam stopped attacking after it was clear he had won the battle?"

"Iie.No idea, sir."

"That's strange."

"Hai."The man's eyes narrowed, and San knew he thought that it was her own fault that the Gundam had retreated, that she had connections with the pilot somehow.It was ridiculous; San had never given anyone reason to doubt her loyalty to Oz, and yet here it was, happening all the same.

"Fine," he said finally, annoyed."Lets move on to other matters, I assume you have heard about the recent Gundam attacks on several of our other bases?"

"I have been informed, General."

"Three bases in less than a week have been completely destroyed by the rebel Gundams. We're going to have to retaliate soon.When that happens, you will be called upon to fight using Valkyrie.Its obvious you're not ready for that."

"I have spent every moment of free time these last days preparing myself for the battle to come, General. I believe that given two more days, I will have conquered Valkyrie sufficiently to use in battle.I am and always will be ready to serve, sir."

"Oh, is that so?"

"What are you questioning, sir?My abilities or my loyalty?" San was sure to keep her voice very close to neutral, with only a touch of annoyance.

"Your abilities have never been questioned by most, Commander, Lord knows why, after seeing your performance yesterday.But your loyalties are a different story entirely.People like you can't be trusted, especially not with a post of this importance.But that young fool Kushrenada thinks you walk on water, and there's nothing the rest of us can do except share in his folly."

"With all due respect, sir," San began, in a tone that was anything but respectful, "I have done everything possible to serve OZ to the best of my ability. I have never given anyone any reason to question my abilities or my loyalty."

"Time will tell.When you are needed, you will be contacted."The screen went black.

San remained seated, staring at the wall, grey eyes burning with fevered intensity as she attempted to control her anger.

Three days later, San stood in her office, skimming over a report a soldier had given her.The young man remained before her, standing at attention, waiting for her orders. When she had finished reading it she smiled, looking up."Good work.Thank you."A pause and she walked around her desk, picking up another sheet of paper."New orders have come down from headquarters.We're to remain at combat readiness at all times.I want every pilot to spend at least an hour per day training for battle.Otherwise, previous orders stand."

"Yes, sir."

"You're dismissed."The soldier snapped a salute and exited her office to put her orders into effect.A few moments later, San followed.She headed straight for Valkyrie to follow her own orders, her thoughts racing like wildfire as they always did when she had no work to occupy them.

Entering the hangar, she climbed up into her Gundam and activated all systems.When everything checked out, San had the hangar doors opened, taking the Valkyrie out into the large inner compound of the base.Already there were men out in Mobile Suits, following her orders to train for battle.She stayed there a moment, watching her men in action.'They're good, but not good enough…' she told herself, 'they'll have to do better if we hope to defeat the Gundams.'

At that moment, the communication device beeping in her ear interrupted San as she stood there.She activated it."Hai?"

"Commander Mizuhara, its good to see you out among the men," she heard Janus say over the comm unit.She pinpointed where the transmission was coming from: a purple Leo just to her left."Our last commanding officer was rather detached from the unit.That attitude did not serve him well when stragglers from the former Earth Sphere Alliance attacked."Janus paused, letting the implication sink in.His Leo stepped forward towards the Valkyrie."Commander, if I may say so, I know you must be a skilled pilot for you to be assigned to Oz's only operational Gundam; however, you have had little time to grow accustomed to Valkyrie's controls."Adopting a defensive position, the Leo pulled out a small cylinder, which flared brightly as the beam saber was activated.

"Perhaps would be a good time to practice our skills and show the men proper piloting technique."A smile curved across San's face as she drew Valkyrie's beam saber.

"Very well then, Lieutenant.I accept your challenge.And you, along with the men, will see a portion of what a Gundam can do."San launched the Valkyrie towards Janus' Leo, realizing the importance of even this short training battle.As her saber struck Janus', she spoke softly."Victory must be mine…there's too much riding on the battle for anything less."

Fiery plumes of plasma arched through the air as Janus parried San's strike."Only a portion of what a Gundam can do?" Janus spat contemptuously, "Don't you believe in crushing your enemies?"Twisting to reach behind the booster of his mobile suit, the Leo's fist clamped down on a second beam saber, which he sung at the Valkyrie with all the mobile suit's strength.San dodged the crimson flame, but the heat from the saber slightly curled the armor of her Gundam, bleeding the blue and white together into the color of sky."Tell me, is what I did dishonorable, or do the ends justify the means in battle?"The Leo charged Valkyrie again, slashing with both of its sabers. 

San answered quickly."One must guard personal honor even when honor becomes useless in the struggle.If the enemy is dishonorable, you must meet their dishonor with honor.Honor should not be sacrificed on the battlefield.It is the heart of battle.Mr. Treize believes that, as do I."

San dodged both sabers, eyes burning with intensity, yet her voice remained calm as she spoke back to Janus."And when I said a portion of what a Gundam can do, I merely meant that I do not yet have the experience the rebel Gundam pilots obviously have. Holding back in battle can be lethal and I have no intention of dying in this war, at least not until I've proven myself to those who doubt me and revenge myself against those who have taken all I loved!"

She struck back and, hitting a button on her own saber, extended a second beam going the opposite direction as the first.Striking at Janus, she blocked each of his sabers with one side of hers and then kicked at him with Valkyrie's foot, knocking the Leo over.She attacked again with the beam saber, and as she swung it downward towards the Leo, Janus spoke again.

"Ego?Revenge?Are these your only reasons?" Janus yelled back at San, disregarding the fact that she outranked him."You're no better than the others, you're nothing!" Janus screamed as he activated the booster pack of the Leo.Vaporizing most of the limb, Janus used the Leo's left arm as a makeshift shield as he flew into the air, blocking San's attack and knocking the beam saber from Valkyrie's hand.The Leo hovered over Valkyrie's head, just out of reach."Must everything be razed to the ground? Can't you hear the cries of the dead, hear the mourning of those left behind?"Janus redirected the thrust of the boosters and the Leo swooped down upon the Valkyrie, its remaining beam saber aimed for the cockpit.

For the first time, San allowed her anger to flare, as she dodged his attack; diving for her saber, she grabbed it from the ground."Damn you!"Armed again, she turns to face Janus, immobile."How can you possibly understand?This has nothing to do with my ego!If I can't prove myself I won't keep my position and I can't help destroy those thrice damned rebels!" She took a breath and continued angrily.

"I understand more than you might think about the pain of this war…Nearly everyone I've ever loved is dead because of it.I hear their screams and understand the mourning of those left behind because it's happened to me countless times.My parents, my husband, friends…

"Don't _ever_ accuse me of not caring about the people involved in this war!I care more deeply than you will ever know or see.I was born in the colonies.They are my home and their residents my people.I will do what I have to in order to protect them, and to do that, I must remain the pilot of this Gundam.I must stop those who caused all this pain so they will no longer cause pain for others.To do that means battle!"

San ignored the tears that had come to her eyes and attacked Janus viciously, swinging her beam saber towards him without mercy, knocking one of his sabers away, out of reach.She continued her attack, slowly overcoming the Leo as her anger improved her concentration and fighting skills.

Janus attempted to evade the onslaught, but his efforts were in vain.The Valkyrie was too fast and too strong for his outdated Leo. The boosters flared as his mobile suit leapt away from the oncoming beam saber, but it was too late.The wave of plasma crashed into the Leo at waist level, melting through the armor and servos.His suit fell to the ground, its legs attached only by a few threads of half-melted titanium. 

Inside the damaged cockpit, Janus tried to right himself as he spoke, hearing the faint sound of repressed tears over the open comm."I'm sorry, sir…I didn't know.If your goal is to stop the pain and suffering once and for all, then I will stand by you no matter what happens."

San muffled her crying and brushed the tears away with practiced persistence, wiping her face with steady hands.Valkyrie's eyes flared, but the suit remained motionless as she spoke to Janus."Its not common knowledge.Some know of my husband; he was an Oz pilot and a good man."San sighed."The rest I've been forced to keep hidden, as if being a colonist was shameful.Being a colonist doesn't bring much confidence from many in Oz.I'm up against so much, and I can't lose what I have.I can't stop fighting.I can't allow what's happened to me to happen ever again.

"His Excellency understood that when no one else could.He knows why I fight, and he supports me.His support is the only thing I have beside myself that I have to count on now.He is an honorable man."San sighed and Valkyrie stepped back towards the hangar."Perhaps, once I have accomplished this, I can find true peace."Another few steps, and she spoke her final words before returning to the hangar."I appreciate your support, Lieutenant.I will need it soon.Not only is my future rushing to face me, but also my past."

San remained in the hangar, checking over Valkyrie herself for damages.She had been there for a long time, fixing simple damage, when she was interrupted by a beep of the comm. system, signaling an incoming message.Climbing into the cockpit, she tapped a button."Hai?"

"Commander, there's a message coming in for you. Its from headquarters in Luxembourg."

"All right.I'm going to my office."San ran to her office, straightening her uniform as she went.She arrived after her sprint, calmed herself, and ordered the message put through.Treize Kushrenada's face appeared on her screen, and San bowed."Excellency."

"Commander Mizuhara.I hear you have been doing well."

"Hai, Excellency.I thank you for this opportunity."

"I knew you could handle the job.However, Commander, as I'm sure you know, there are those who do not share my confidence in you."

"I know that well, sir."

"Then you will understand how important this next mission is.We've discovered the identity of one of the Gundam pilots.We need you to be sure this person is isolated from the colonies.Understand, however, that I personally do not want to give you this assignment, but there are others here who demanded it."

"Very well, sir.The name of this Gundam pilot?"Treize paused, and his blue eyes met her grey ones.She recognized the emotion there; he did not want to give the coming order, and even felt sorry for her.'Sorry for me?Why?'

"Tetra Rowen."

San's heart sank, and for a long moment she was startled into silence."Tetra Rowen," she stated, pushing back the emotions that were overwhelming her, keeping her face a mask of neutrality.She took a deep, calming breath, and the nodded slowly."Very well then, Excellency.I won't fail you or Oz."Treize nodded simply and solemnly spoke three simple words.

"I'm sorry Commander."The screen went black, and San collapsed into her chair, trembling as thoughts and emotions threatened to overwhelm her.She now understood why she had seen those emotions in Treize's eyes.He realized, as San herself did, the sacrifice she would have to make to fulfill his orders."Tetra Rowen," she said again. "When did we end up on different sides?"She reached into her desk and pulled out the picture hidden there, of the parents and their children, touching the faces of the two smiling girls gently."Tetra…" San pushed the tears away, and began to slowly work through the raging emotions in her heart.

Calling up information on where and when the Proteus had been spotted by Oz crafts, facts that were few and far between, San had decided on the Gundam's destination: a Japanese Leo production facility on the nation's northernmost island.Within hours, her plan was set, the base in Japan was on standby for attack, and there was no longer anything to do in Provence except wait.

San stood in the command center, listening to the soldiers around her going about their daily business, waiting, feeling the oppressive silence in the area immediately around her as if it were pressing into her ears painfully, like a knife in the side.She stared out the windows, looking towards the ocean, justifying her actions in her own mind, waiting as if on edge for news she did not want to hear.For once in her life, San Mizuhara wished she could be wrong.

That was not to be.A young officer came running over to her, snapping a quick salute."Sir, the base in Japan is being attacked just as you predicted!"Where San would normally have felt a rush of elation that she had chosen the path to come, she felt emptiness and sorrow.She spoke, her voice neutral, with a slight added tremor of excitement she did not truly feel.

"And they know the battle plan?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good.Tell them to put the plan into action."San watched as the man relayed her orders and did not speak again until he had finished."Bring the battle scene up on the monitor." In a moment, the screen flared to life, showing Proteus attacking the production facility.As she watched, the Leos backed off from the Gundam's advance, just out reach of Proteus' weaponry, and continued attacking.Each time, Proteus advanced, the Leos retreated just out of reach.

San watched this act repeat itself time and time again, each withdraw bringing the Proteus that much closer to the complex.Each time the Gundam managed to take out a Leo, another would take its place, and the process of advance and retreat would begin over and over again.Yet the Leos were quickly running out of ground and the final one hit the side of the building, nowhere to run or escape to, as the Gundam quickly approached.Drawing its buster rifle, Proteus opened fire, incinerating the Leo and blowing a Gundam sized hole in the wall of the large building.

It advanced into the facility, intent on destroying it from the inside out, when suddenly there was a huge explosion.San watched as the missiles went flying up towards space and she smiled slightly, putting on the act for her men."Gotcha…" she whispered as she began to hear voices over the link from Japan.

"The Gundam's fired missiles into space!We can't do anything!Someone respond!"

"Get that Gundam!I want the pilot alive!"

"Rodger that base.We have the situation taken care of.It won't hit the colonies…"

Several minutes passed in silence.On screen, Proteus had disappeared into the ocean to hide.The partially destroyed base was silent.Then, over a crackling of static, San heard the same voice that had spoken the third time."Missiles were detonated off the mark.I repeat, missiles did not hit their targets."

"Good."San smiled the first true smile she had worn all day, a smile that was quickly replaced in her heart by a rush of sadness."Yet now, the second act begins," San whispered to herself.

Several days later, after a hard day, San left the command deck and headed for the hangar.Her heart was heavy and had been since the battle in Japan.The silence of the hangar where Valkyrie stood alone pressed down like a wet woolen blanket in the act of slowly suffocating her.She walked over to the Gundam and looked up at its head, silhouetted in the darkness, as she pondered words that she could say that would break the oppressive silence.

Not finding any, San climbed up into the cockpit, sitting down on the edge so her feet hung over to the floor below."I knew when I chose this path it would not be an easy path to walk, but I was prepared for that.I had those I could share the burden with, even after I lost everyone in space."San sighed, her hand running up and down the cool Gundanium beneath her."Can I hope to aid in the creation of a new world, a place safe from the immense pain of this era, if I can't even be sure my actions will be justified by the outcome?Must there always be more questions than answers?"

"No one can be sure of that, Commander."Startled, San looked down to see Lieutenant Sors Immanis below her, on the floor of the hangar."Its sad that such burdens must be placed upon your shoulders."

"I did what I had to do," San answered simply."His Excellency knew exactly what he was asking of me.Yet he knew, as I did, that this was something I had to do in order to prove my loyalty to OZ.Even though he believes in my dedication to the cause and my ability to pilot Valkyrie, there are those who do not.

"I swore when I left home that I would do everything in my power to end this war.What I didn't realize then is that in order to stop the pain, one must first create pain by fighting."San sighed."That Gundam pilot and I, we knew each other once, years ago, when we were young.In her eyes, I have betrayed her, and there is no doubt that she will come here to face me.If I had a million years, I could never prepare for that.Yet I only have a few days at best."The words San did not speak hung in the air, heavy with their implications.San sighed, hand moving across Valkyrie as if seeking to gather comfort from the cold, unyielding metal.

'Its so much like my fate…' San thought.She sighed, just as a huge explosion rocked the hangar.

Darting into the seat of the cockpit, San closed it and activated the communication unit to hear a familiar voice."San Mizuhara! Come out and explain your actions to your sister!"Another explosion."Or are you afraid?Afraid to try to explain what you've done to me?!"

There was another beep, and a young man's voice came over the speakers, replacing Tetra's forceful words."Sir!A Gundam's attacking! We're launching Leos!"

"Belay that order, soldier.I'll face her in Valkyrie."

"But sir!"

"Are you questioning my orders?" San demanded, her voice hardening as she ordered the hangar door to open.

"No sir."

"Good. Now, evacuate as many personnel from the base as you can.I don't want to have to worry about their well being while I fight."San cut off the communication and looks out to see Proteus in the distance.Activating the Vernease engines, she jetted towards the attacking Gundam, drawing her heat whip and using it to stop Tetra's mid-swing before it could hit another of the base's buildings.She activated her communicator and spoke to Tetra directly."Enough.I'm the one you came for.Fight me, and leave them alone."

"Damn skippy, you are!" San heard Tetra's voice reply."What the hell did you pull?You fired on our home, sister _dear_!"Proteus opened up with its shoulder vulcans, firing on Valkyrie point blank.San fired her engines, flying straight up and dodging the blast.Thoughts fired through her head at rapid speeds.'Those vulcans will be a challenge…. I don't have anything to compare.I have to get close and put myself in range to use the heat whip or the beam saber, and my small guns won't even dent that Gundanium.'Even as she was thinking, she spoke calmly to Tetra."It was the only way.I did what had to be done to follow the orders I was given."She attacked viciously with the whip again, dodging shots from the Proteus as she went.

Proteus backed up a few steps, avoiding Valkyrie's chain whip nimbly.Tetra pointed the vulcans up and shot at San again."But you followed those orders!Any soldier who follows orders like that is just as responsible!"As Valkyrie came down at her again, Proteus moved aside and worked the space between the two Gundams with its own chain whip, wrapping Valkyrie's whip hand in its snake-like grasp."They killed mom and dad and Ketto!And now you _work for them_!You've become them!How could you? WHY could you?"

San pulled back her hand, keeping Proteus' whip taunt."I don't deny this was my responsibility, and even though I believe my actions justified, history may judge me differently.I accept whatever is to come because that too is a soldier's lot."Valkyrie's other hand whipped out her beam saber and activating it, San swung it towards Proteus."And you're wrong.If those rebels hadn't taken action that day, and if the ALLIANCE hadn't been there to put them down, there would have been no battle, no deaths.They would still be alive.Maybe you can't understand, but what I'm doing is justified."

Proteus shook free its chain whip and pulled it back, blocking the blow of Valkyrie's beam saber by bringing her beam cannon up to block."They wouldn't have had to fight if OZ and the Alliance hadn't attacked in the first place!"Proteus beam cannon went off with a resounding boom as it was pointing into the ground.Its recoil pushed Proteus away from Valkyrie and Tetra chose to take the fight to the air, thrusting up with the Vernease.She pointed the beam cannon down at Valkyrie.

"The Alliance troops were the only ones there that day.OZ defeated the Alliance.Now, only the rebels remain to defeat."San watched Proteus bring the beam cannon to point at her and she abandoned the conversation, shutting down the communicator and concentrating on the battle.She waited, Valkyrie standing at attention, until the cannon went off, and then as fast as she could, moved the Valkyrie out of harm's way. 

Jetting straight forward, she hoped Tetra had not seen the move.When it became obvious she had not, San jetted upwards towards the Proteus; igniting her beam saber again, she cut off Proteus' arm, causing it and the beam cannon to fall to the ground.

She did not waste any time in attacking again, this time with the heat whip, not allowing Tetra to get a blow in edgewise.With one hit, Proteus' Vernease went out and the mobile suit fell, hitting the ground hard.Another blow, and the Gundam's electrical equipment failed, leaving the mobile suit disabled.

San sighed, putting her weapons away.She turned on the comm and spoke softly to Tetra."Maybe you don't realize it, sister, but that was the most difficult thing I've ever done.I'm sorry."

San's voice broke on the last words, and she fought to keep tears from coming to her eyes as she stood over the fallen Proteus.

Later, San walked down the hallway towards the cells, her soul still troubled.One of the soldiers accompanying her opened the door to the cell and San stepped in to see Tetra seated there, conscious.She turned back to the soldiers.

"Leave us.Shut the door."They saluted and left.San turned back to Tetra, her face grave, unsure of what to say.Tetra, however, spoke first.

"Happy now?"

"No."

"Didn't think so."San nodded.

"I am not trying to rid myself of the responsibility my actions carry, but I will say I wish that it didn't have to be this way.I know you believe that what I'm doing is wrong."Tetra stared at her hard for moment, then staggered to her feet, favoring her left side.

"So, what are you going to do now?Send me off to the head monkey, Kushrenada?"San's anger flared, and her eyes narrowed.

"Mr. Treize is a good man."Tetra took a painful step toward San, glaring at her.

"He's a murderer and you know it!Even he knows it!"

"And what are you then?" San shot back.Tetra started and for a moment said nothing.

"That's not fair!"

"It's the truth.The truth isn't always fair."

"I do what I do to protect our home!"

"Does that make the killing any less wrong?"

"Look who's talking, Miss I-Shot-Four-Missiles-At-The-Colonies!"

"Did those missiles hit the colonies?Did they, Tetra?"Tetra stood there, stupidly for a moment.

"You…set up your own sister…and…you knew!You knew it was me didn't you?"

"I don't deny it."Tetra balled both her hands into fists.

"Then tell me why!" She took another step forward but stumbled and fell, feeling her broken rib shift in her side.

"Because I believe in what I'm doing, same as you do.Because I'm a soldier and His Excellency gave me orders."Tetra remained kneeling on the floor of the cell, holding her pain-ridden side.

"No need to tell you to pick a side, huh? Great…so now we're both betrayers of our home…what would Jeddan say, San?You have to know he hates you, don't you?"

San felt tears beginning to come, but she pushed them away with ferocity."I do.I know you hate me too."

"So, now you're hiding the guilt in your heart just so you can get by and live with yourself?You might as well leave!I have nothing more to say to you Onei-CHAN."

"I don't feel guilty for anything I've done because I've never done anything I didn't think was right.I'm sorry if you can't understand that.I'm sorry you hate me and I'm sorry he hates me.I'm sorry lives have to be lost to bring this war to an end.But that doesn't stop me from continuing to do what I think is right.I have to follow my own heart, same as you follow yours.Maybe in time, if we both survive this war, you can forgive me.Maybe not.But at the moment, neither of us can change what we are."San paused.

"Then leave me alone.Looks like I've been since I was born anyway."

San tried to hide how hurt she was by the last statement."I'm glad you can dismiss everything we once shared that easily.It will make it easier for you in the end."San turned to leave."For what its worth, I'm sorry this had to happen."

San stepped out of the room, tears coming to her eyes.Back in the cell, Tetra's eyes also filled with tears.

San returned to her office quickly, shutting and locking the door behind her.With a sigh, she collapsed into her chair and yanked open the drawer where she kept the picture, looking at it for a long moment."I've been a fool," she said aloud to the empty office and to the younger version of herself and Tetra smiling with their family from inside the frame."I was wrong to think that after this was over, I could go home, that I would have a place to go back to.I'll never be able to go back.Not after this.Tetra will clear her name and I'll be the betrayer, even more so than I already am in their eyes."San shook her head, putting the picture back into the drawer and closing it slowly."Forget about hell.This life is damnation enough."

Several days later, San was in her office, going over war reports and memos from other OZ bases when the computer beeped.Activating it, she found a text only message there.

Send the prisoner to Luxembourg for debriefing. New pilot being trained for rebel Gundam.

It was short and sweet.San took a moment to authenticate the signal and then rose with a sigh, casting a glance down to the final report on top of her desk—a maintenance report on the Proteus, informing her the Gundam was once again completely operational.

San headed for the prison cells.

Minutes later, she arrived at Tetra's cell, ordering the soldiers stationed there to open the door."We have to transport the prisoner to Luxembourg on His Excellency's orders.Give me those handcuffs."

"Sir."They opened the door quickly, and San stepped into the darkened cell, standing before Tetra silently.

"What is it now?" Tetra demanded.

"You're being sent to Luxembourg.Your Gundam's going to be working for OZ now, as soon as we get a pilot." San yanked her to her feet roughly and turned her around, leaning her up against the wall and attaching the handcuff to one hand, leaning in and speaking softly to her sister in Japanese.

"Iite o kudasai." Get going. [1] Tetra started after hearing San's command.Her eyes narrowed for a moment, and she spoke.

"Doushite?" Why? [2]

She didn't wait for an answer, instead thrusting an elbow back into San's stomach and twisting around, bringing a fist down on the back of her head.San's grip relaxed as she collapsed to the ground and felt darkness overcoming her as she slipped into unconsciousness.

_"Why won't you let me?I'm willing, and I have the strength! I know I could be anything you needed me to be!"_

_"Listen, you're nothing but a kid!We can't accept you!"_

_"I am not a child anymore!."_

_"Stubborn bitch!Even if you were old enough why…"_

_"Soldier, what is going on here?"San looked up to see a tall young man with ginger hair and blue eyes looking down at her._

_"This little girl seems to think that we have need for the likes of her in the Specials, sir."_

_"Is that so?What's your name, young lady, and how old are you?"_

_"San Rowen, sir.And I'm sixteen."_

_"And you want to join us?"_

_"More than anything, sir."San remembered the feel of his eyes in her own; as if he could see and recognize the burning desire she had held within._

_"Very well. Come with me."_

_"Sir?" the first man had said, shocked._

_"Enough." He had stretched out a hand to her."You're too young to go to the Academy yet, Miss Rowen, but perhaps we can make arrangements for next year."San had felt, in that moment, for the first time in a long time, as if someone had cared about her fate, yet as she turned away, her one thought was of those she had to leave behind._

_'Jeddan…Tetra…"_

_ _

_"Miss Rowen?" Looking down from the branch of the tree where she sat looking at the stars, she saw the same ginger haired man below her._

_"San," she said simply, turning back to the night sky._

_"San then.How are you adjusting to life on Earth?" A sigh._

_"Fine, Mr. Treize."_

_"Simply Treize is sufficient."_

_"No," she had replied._

_"Very well then." There was a pause."Do you miss them?"_

_"Yes," San answered, her eyes searching out her home colony, shining bright as a star in the sky above._

_"You can go back."_

_"No, I can't.Not yet."_

_ _

_"San?"San stirred sleepily, raising her head slightly to look at the man who lay beside her, leaning on his arm, looking at her with serious eyes._

_"Hai?" she asked softly, reaching out to caress his bare shoulder gently._

_"Why are you here?"Drawing herself to consciousness, she rolled over onto her back and sat up, looking down at him with concern in her own brown eyes._

_"What do you mean?" she asked._

_"Why are you here," he repeated, "With me.Why?"San smiled, her hand moving up to run through his thick black hair._

_"Because I love you, of course."_

_"You could have had anyone you wanted."_

_"I wanted you."_

_"Why?"_

_"Raiden…"_

_"Seriously, San.What does a girl like you see in a guy like me? You're beautiful, and intelligent—first in our class, so much better than I am.Why me?"_

_"Because you love me, Raiden.Because you care about my present and not my past.Because being with you makes me forget the pain of that past and allows me to look to the happiness of the future…OUR future, Raiden.I don't want to share that with anyone else.I want to share it with you."_

_"I don't understand."_

_"Is that necessary?You know I love you more than anything, right?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Then why do you need to understand my reasons?"_

_"I…I don't know."San smiled, leaning forward to kiss him gently as his hand reached up to twine into her short black hair._

_"Then lets leave it at that."_

_ _

_"RAIDEN!RAIDEN, NO!"It was a scream of agony that she barely recognized as her own.The brightness of the explosion seemed burned into her eyes, just as the silence raged mockingly in her ears."No…" A whisper this time, full of disbelief and pain, as she launched her own Leo forward, anger raging like a wildfire in her soul as she attacked the enemy again and again and again, tears streaming from her eyes._

_ _

_"War is cruel.After his death, I didn't even have a body to bury, to mourn.There was nothing but ashes…"_

_ _

_"Lieutenant Mizuhara was a good man, sir."_

_"Yes, he was."_

_ _

_"Why?"_

_"Because I believe in what I'm doing, Tetra, same as you."_

_ _

_"You're a fool, San."_

_ _

San awoke with a slight groan, her eyes fluttering open.She sat up in bed, the sheet slipping down to pool around her waist, as she reached a hand up to rub the back of her neck."Damn," she swore softly, shutting her eyes briefly, pushing the memories away in order to face the present.

"Commander?"San opened her eyes and her hand dropped to her lap.

"Doctor."

"How is your head?"He walked over and shone a light in each of her eyes, watching as the pupils dilated and then went back to normal when he removed the light.

"Fine," she told him simply, "How long have I been unconscious?"

"A few hours," he answered, "I just got out of surgery."

"What happened?" she demanded.

"Lieutenant Sors Immanis was shot in the shoulder by the Gundam pilot during her escape," he told her, "He will be fine, although he is out of active combat until further notice."

"Obviously," San commented."The rebel got away then?"

"Yes sir."

"Damn," San said in fake frustration.

"Yes." A pause. "You still need rest, commander."

"All right," San said, lying back as the doctor stepped out of the room.Instead of resting, however, she remained wide-awake, staring at the ceiling.Her thoughts came quickly as she pondered the situation. _What have I done?I've failed Mr. Treize by doing this. I know he'll see right through it, but yet I couldn't do it. I couldn't turn her over to them for execution. I would give my own life for Oz and for Mr. Treize without hesitation, but hers…_

_How far am I willing to go for victory? If the difference between victory and defeat is Tetra's life, am I willing to take it?I have to be.I swore my loyalty to Mr. Treize and OZ and she is their enemy, so she is mine as well.But Tetra…Sister…_

San was sitting in her office almost a week later when suddenly, her communications system beeped. She punched the button, laying down her report with a soft sigh."Yes?"

"Commander, we just received word that his Excellency is on his way!" Startled and concerned, San tried not to let it show in her voice.

"How long until he arrives?"

"Three hours at most."_Three hours! God…_

"All right.Start preparations immediately."

"Yes, sir. I know what to do."

"Good."San shut down the communicator."Damn." she said aloud, then turned to her thoughts._If his Excellency is coming here, I'm sure it's not just a pleasure visit. I'm sure he'll have words for me._San sighed. _I did ask for this, and I will accept it_.With firmed resolve, San rose and exited her office, going to oversee the preparations for Treize's visit.

San stood on the command deck, receiving reports from several soldiers at once, when she heard the door slide open.She turned just enough so she could see Janus, his arm hanging in a pure white bandage, enter out of the corner of her eye.He walked up to where she was standing and waited until she dismissed the men."Commander Mizuhara, is there anything I can do to help?"San turned to him with a slight, wry smile.

"Keep him from coming," she suggested dryly. With only a short pause afterwards, she spoke again, handing him a thick packet of papers."If you could go and make sure that his quarters are set up correctly, it would be appreciated. I can handle things here."

"Sir," Janus said, exiting the command deck.

San stood straight on the runway as the plane taxied towards them, Janus standing beside her, and a fairly large contingent of the men lined up behind. She waited, her short black hair whipping in the strong wind that was blowing, and waited as the plane slowed to a stop and her men pushed the movable stairs up to the hatch.

Another few minutes and then the door opened to reveal Treize. He paused at the top of the stairs, surveying the base, and then made his way down them, two soldiers remaining a step behind.He walked straight to San and she straightened and saluted crisply."Welcome to Provence, Excellency."

"Its a pleasure to see you again, Commander Mizuhara. We have much to catch up on."

"Of course. Sir, this is my second in command, Lieutenant Janus Sors Immanis."

"Excellency," Janus said softly.

"Lieutenant."There was a brief pause before Treize spoke again. "Perhaps we could go somewhere to speak, Commander. I think there's much we need to discuss."

"Of course, sir. Lieutenant, if you could get His Excellency's men settled in. Perhaps we can go to my office, sir."

"Of course, Lieutenant. Lead the way." San briefly met Janus' eyes before walking back towards the main buildings toward her office, Treize beside her.

Treize and San both stood in San's office, Treize off to the side staring out the window, San directly in front of her desk, holding herself rigidly at attention as she stared straight ahead. The silence stretched out for a long moment before Treize spoke, still looking out the window."I expected more from you, Commander." There was a pause as San took a deep breath before speaking

"I know sir. I was weak. I failed you."

"So it seems."

"I accept any action you feel is just, Excellency." There was a long silence.

"Soldiers must understand their emotions in order to fight, but they must not allow them to get in the way of the battle. I gave you the Valkyrie because I believed you could do what had to be done. You had never failed me or Oz before." Here, Treize made a lengthy pause while San said nothing.

"Yet now you have." Treize said simply as he turned to look at her. She did not turn her head, keeping it held high and forward. "The logical decision would be to remove you from active duty as Valkyrie's pilot."

"I understand..." San began, but Treize raised his hand and stopped her mid-sentence.

"I did not, however, say that was the action I was going to take Commander." San hid her surprise well; only a slight start was visible in her demeanor. "Valkyrie needs a strong pilot, one who can fight the battle ahead with courage. Over the years, you have proven yourself to be such a person."He turned to look back out the window. 

"However," Treize began again, "I need your word that this will never happen again, even if you are placed in the exact same situation. I can cover this up once, but next time, suspicions will be impossible to assuage."San stood still for a long moment, one hand clenched and trembling as she thought over her answer. She knew she could make only one choice, and that was to give her word. Not only did she owe so much to Treize, but OZ was the path she had chosen and had to follow to completion.But Tetra... San sighed almost inaudibly.

"I know what I'm asking." Treize said firmly, "But I also know that I can't allow you to continue piloting Valkyrie unless I know you have no doubts of your own mission. That Gundam pilot is our enemy, and you have to be ready to fight her and possibly kill her. If you give me your word, I will trust it, because you have not broken your promises to me in the seven years I've known you."

San took a deep breath and then spoke. "You have my word, Excellency."

"Good. Now, if you would please show me to my quarters. I would like to rest before we discuss our strategy for the coming battles." 

"Of course, sir."He exited the room first, and San followed.

The next day, San and Treize were once again in her office, seated, thinking of plans of action, reviewing reports and discussing the best path for the future to take."Five Gundams have been confirmed," Treize said, "And in the past three weeks we've had no reports of any sightings."

"They couldn't possibly have stopped their fight," San assumed, "They haven't carried it through to completion."

"No, they've simply gone into hiding.It is my opinion that they have returned to space."

"That is the most logical assumption, based upon the reports we have."

"It will be easier to fight them there," Treize stated."As soon as I can get a replacement for you here, you and Valkyrie will follow them."There was a long pause.San rose and walked over to the window, looking out across the base, sitting peaceful in the sunny summer afternoon.Treize watched her for a moment, catching the slight lowering of the head, the minute look of confusion in her eyes."Isn't that what you wanted, Commander?To return to space?"San straightened."At sixteen, it was all you could think of.What was it you would do?Climb up into that large oak tree in the back garden?You would sit there and stare at the stars for hours on end.It was all could think about then, just after I brought you here to the Earth.My mother thought you were crazy."

"You're right, Excellency." San allowed a small, sad smile to slip onto her face."But it was because I didn't know then that space would not welcome me upon my return.They can't understand my decision to join OZ and they will see me as the enemy, even when all I've ever wanted to do was protect them.All the same, I have no regrets, sir.I will do as you order.I believe in this."

"Very well, Commander."Treize rose and San turned to face him."Have preparations made to transport yourself and Valkyrie to outer space."

"Sir," San said with a salute, and Treize turned and left the room.San walked over to her desk, sat down, and gave the orders, feelings of joy and sadness washing over her in intermingling waves.

She was going home.

The days passed quickly for San in a whirl of training and preparations.At the end of three more weeks, everything was finally in order.San's replacement was en route, Valkyrie was prepared, and San herself had packed and said her goodbyes.She walked alone to the shuttle that was waiting, her single bag slung over her shoulder, her black hair whipping in the wind.It was a warm day, and sunny; there was not a cloud in the sky.

She had been commander of the air troops here for only four months, and the time had passed quickly.She took a last glance around and then stepped onto the stairs leading to the shuttle.Without looking back, she boarded the shuttle.

As the shuttle broke the atmosphere, San's mind whirled.The violence slowed to a stop; the darkness of space enveloped them, just as San remembered.The silence, the stillness outside; they were like old friends, pressing around the shuttle relentlessly.The stars seemed brighter than they had been on Earth; the moon as well was a bright white light in the darkness.

San felt a smile stealing across her face, yet still she thought back to the seven years she had spent on the Earth.Images floated in the dimness of memory; the Kushrenada Estate where she had spent the first year, her friends at school there; going to Lake Victoria and her friends there; her first glimpse of her husband, Raiden…San sighed as she recalled his sudden death in battle; saw again in her mind's eye the flames that blew from the damaged mobile suit.

"Sir?"A voice interrupted her thoughts of Provence, and she turned away from the window to look at the young soldier standing beside her.He looked nervous as he saluted.

"Yes, soldier?" she asked calmly, erasing the emotions from her face and putting up a neutral front.

"We just received word that your mobile suit arrived safely."

"Thank you."He saluted again, and walked away quickly.She turned back to the window and the task at hand.

Valkyrie had arrived on the colony without incident.The critical part of the transfer was over; Valkyrie would wait safely until San herself arrived.Then, they would lay down their trap.Hopefully, none of the Gundam pilots would have caught wind of the transfer; the only way to be sure of having an edge in the battle was the element of surprise.

San was tired. She leaned fully back in her chair and shut her eyes, enjoying the silence as she waited for sleep to come.

Sometime after midnight, standard earth time, her shuttle docked with L1, and as she stepped off, San was relieved that it was not her home colony.She was escorted immediately to her quarters, after being assured that Valkyrie was safe.She thanked the soldier who had escorted her, then entered the room and turned on the light, listening to the door slide shut behind her.

This room was almost exactly the same as the one she had left.Not tired after her long sleep on the way from Earth, she opened the bag and began to unpack, setting up her few belongings in the exact same manner as the room on Earth she had left behind. 

Once done, she changed into a pair of cotton pants and tank top, getting into bed and lying there, staring at the ceiling, willing sleep to come; yet San knew it was far away.

All she had ever wanted was to defeat those responsible for killing her parents and brother.Treize Kushrenada had offered her a way to do that, taking her to Earth and offering her a place in OZ.He had understood, when no one else had, her need to fight this battle, and he had aided her whenever he could.She had fought with Oz to crush the Alliance because of her deep-rooted loyalty to Treize and to make those responsible for her parents' and brother's deaths pay dearly for the crime.

The Alliance was gone, destroyed by Oz, and part of San's soul was relieved.The battle was halfway won.The Alliance, who had caused the series of events that killed her family, was gone, but the war still raged on.

Her situation, San realized, had become much more complicated since the early days, when the decision to be made had seemed simple.The Alliance had been defeated, and that left San only one enemy: the very people she had loved as a child.Most on the colonies hated Oz, seeing it as only a replacement for the Alliance, but San believed in her heart it was different.She had believed in what she did, and she had been sure her family would accept her judgment.They hadn't.San had given her word that she would kill Tetra if she had to…the choice was not black and white anymore, if it truly ever had been.

San was disturbed the most by the last thought.Had she simply been to naive to understand completely what she was choosing?She would never know, and that was enough to keep anyone awake at night.

Still, San knew the present choice was clear.Since the choice had been made, she had to follow that path until its completion.And for some reason, San understood that it was almost over.The path she had chosen would end, for better or for worse.

Rolling over onto her side, San pressed her eyes closed, falling into a troubled sleep.

The next morning San was taken to Valkyrie, which was already stowed inside a shuttle.San smiled when she saw the Gundam and pushed all other thoughts away except checking over Valkyrie to be sure the Gundam was ready for battle.

System after system checked out, and San knew there was nothing to do except wait for their plan to be put into motion.The information had already been spread about the transport of this colony's space Leos to another colony, supposedly for a coming attack.What had been keep quiet, however, was San's presence with Valkryie.Hopefully, only one Gundam would come and they would be caught off guard by San's appearance.It was a long shot, but San was confident enough to know that she could be victorious.

The final check done, San leaned back in the pilot seat, her hands remaining on the joysticks as she relaxed.As it always did, being in the cockpit of a familiar mobile suit made her feel like she was at home, at peace, for there was only the black and white of combat and war there.There were enemies and allies, right and wrong, black and white.Anything she was beyond a soldier or pilot was left outside the cockpit.At least it had been this way before.San reflected that this would most likely change with the next battle, as it had for the battle previous.Yet she remembered her promise to Treize, and with a firm glare that centered upon herself, she told herself that no matter what, this battle would be no different than those before.San knew who her enemies were, and it was not her fault that Tetra had chosen to become one of them.There was no room for sympathy or compassion in battle.

San let her hands drop from the controls into her lap, and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to indulge in her memories for a time.

An insistent beeping wakened San an indeterminate amount of time later.She opened her eyes and sat up straight, hitting the button to activate the communicator.It was the OZ commander of the garrison."Commander Mizuhara, everyone is in place.Its time to put the plan into effect."

"All right.Launch shuttles.Keep a close eye on the radar.Give me the word as soon as a Gundam appears."

"Of course," the officer replied, and cut off communications.After a moment, San felt her own shuttle lift off.She waited as the minutes passed by slowly, one after another, clearing her mind until nothing remained except thoughts of victory.It was all she could afford.

She sat patiently until there was a beep, and the same commander's voice came over the loudspeaker."We have an unidentified object approaching your coordinates.We believe it's a Gundam."

"All right.When it is confirmed, launch Valkyrie."

"Right."Silence again.A few more minutes passed, and then San felt the jolt as Valkyrie fell backwards into space.She steadied herself as she immediately began scanning the battleground.Her eyes sought out and found the rebel Gundam.

It was the Proteus.

San's heart stood still for the briefest of instants, and then she remembered her promise to Treize, and in her heart remembered what he had done for her.Somehow, she translated those memories into strength and she launched her Gundam forward, heat whip brandished as she hurtled towards the other Gundam.

Proteus saw her coming just in time, and whirled the heat whip around, blocking Valkyrie's own.There was silence over the communicator, and San knew Tetra understood the same thing: that they were beyond words; in the dark space between them there was now only room for war.With the other hand, San drew her beam saber and activated it, swinging it down towards the left arm of Proteus, which held its buster rifle.The rifle came up and blocked her strike, as Proteus' left arm pushed San away violently.

San's eyes narrowed as she paused a moment to take stock of the battle.The transports were already away, leaving Valkyrie and Proteus alone in the deep night of space.There was silence in Valkyrie's cockpit, a deep soul striking silence that bored into her being, only interrupted by her soft breaths as she pondered her next strategy.

Proteus rushed forward after that momentary pause, and San raised her heat whip and fired her shoulder vulcans, dodging a blast from Proteus' beam cannon.What Proteus had in firepower, San realized with a slight smile, Valkyrie made up for in speed and maneuverability.It made the battle even, and judging by Tetra's actions, the two pilots were almost evenly matched.The winner of the battle was uncertain, a fact that caused the adrenaline to sing in her veins, heightening her resolve to win for OZ, even as her heart cried out for her to stop, to pull back, to die before harming the other Gundam and her sister inside.

There was no choice.Turning back was impossible, decisions had been made that could not be reversed.With tears threatening in her eyes, San launched herself forward to meet Proteus' attack, and was lucky enough to knock away the beam cannon, leaving Proteus her small guns and heat whip alone.It still did not deter the other Gundam, and in a moment where San was distracted by the guns, Proteus swung the whip so that it wrapped itself around Valkyrie's left shoulder.With a blast of the engines, Proteus darted backward, and in doing so took Valkyrie's left shoulder with it so the Gundam's left arm was hanging by mere wires and strands of metal, completely useless.Another blow while San was off balance, and the right arm was struck with the whip, and there was a pause as neither Gundam moved.

In the cockpit of Valkryie, San Mizuhara sat stoically, her heart pounding.The battle was over.Even if San could have moved her useless left arm, the right would have been severed with one yank of the whip.In one last ditch effort, San began to raise a leg to push Proteus away, but the other Gundam suddenly darted backwards, and San's effort to free herself was made useless as the second arm was ripped ruthlessly away.

Time seemed to slow, as Proteus darted forward, striking Valkyrie's chest.San was thrown forward in her harness, her head striking the panel in front of her with a sharp crack.The edges of her vision went red as blood poured down her face as she struggled to remain conscious, struggled to live, to fight back, but the Valkyrie kept jolting and shuddering as she was thrown from side to side, before finally, her abused mind surrendered to the darkness.

Beep.Beep.Beep.Beep.

San's eyes opened slowly.The first thing she was aware of was the throbbing pain in her temples; the second were the general throbbing aches she had all over; and the final was that she was staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling."I'm not dead."She said it aloud, almost in amazement.Turning her head slightly to the side, she recognized her location as a medical facility.Her eyes fell closed again as her thoughts whirled in a maelstrom of emotion in her troubled mind.

"Commander?"There was a new voice, and she opened her eyes to see a doctor she didn't recognize hovering by her bedside."You're awake."

"No kidding," San said, sitting up with a slight groan.

"You've been unconscious for three days."

"Three days," San stated.

"Yes."

"What about Valkyrie?"

"Being repaired as we speak, but Commander, you can't worry about combat just yet.You took quite a beating.We were afraid you would never wake up."

_But I did…_ San told herself._And I lost.His Excellency will not be pleased…I failed him again._"Damn it," she said aloud, pain welling up in her soul.Tetra had survived, but with her life San's goals were surely shattered.The doctor, who had been checking her pulse, spoke again.  
"His Excellency wished me to tell you that you fought a valiant battle."

"What?" San demanded, eyes jolting open.

"He was monitoring the battle, and when he spoke to me about your condition he told me he was quite pleased with the way you fought, even though you were defeated.He said it was a valiant effort."San shut her eyes slowly and as a pain she could not understand welled up in her heart.It was an untouchable, profound bewilderment.San knew she would need the time convalescing to even have a hope of understanding it.

A week passed, and San was released to oversee final repairs on the Valkyrie.Time was passing quickly, and the White Fang was rising.The tension that was drawing all of Earth and space forward was running higher as the portents pointing towards the final battle became more and more evident and impossible to ignore.Everywhere, it was as if the people were holding their breath, waiting for the conclusion of the battle.What it would bring, no one could be certain, but it seemed that anything to relieve the terrible tensions would be a blessing, not a burden.

San herself was preparing to fight again, ignoring the pains in her body successfully, but guarding the pains of the soul as the driving force behind her actions.Valkyrie was repaired meticulously, perfectly, standing alone in its cradle as engineers and mechanics crawled over it like overzealous ants, eager to begin the bloodshed anew.

San was not so eager, as she watched and aided their repairs.She stood in silence against the wall of the hangar, standing straight and solid, as if the tension running through everything began in her own soul."Commander?" For the first time in almost an hour, she turned her head and recognized Larousse from the base in Provence.

"Yes?"

"Are you all right?"She answered his question with silence, waited for him to walk away.He did not, remaining by her side for several long minutes before he let out an almost inaudible sigh."I apologize if I have been to forward, I merely thought that you were troubled, Commander.Excuse me."With a crisp salute, he went away quickly, leaving her once again to her own troubled, solitary thoughts.

Later that night, San lay on her bunk in the silence of her room, a piece of paper before her, as white and as pure as snow.Her pen hung suspended over the paper as she pondered its purity, wondering whether she wanted to taint it with the ink.She finally did, something within forcing her to write as words spilled onto the page, dark blue against the beautiful white, and they seemed to her impure, dirty as she wrote them without thinking about them, without realizing what she was writing.

"Having the Valkyrie, that was important for Oz.Being Valkyrie's pilot, belonging to that Gundam…it was important for Oz.But I never cared about the power or the prestige it brought.All I ever wanted was to end this God-forsaken war and help bring about peace before returning home to live out the rest of my life among my people.Instead, the war is still going on, and I'm going to die far away from my home colony while those there, who I loved as a child, hate me as a traitor.All I ever wanted was to help them, and towards me they hold nothing but contempt, even my own family.I could have done so much better.Made better decisions, done better things, ended before I began…. I always did what I thought was best, but the best wasn't good enough.Maybe it never is."

Here, her pen paused, and San stared at the page as if the words were alien rather than having been written in her own hand.She moved to add something on to the page, to put her name to the words, to claim them as her own, yet the pen scratched against the paper, leaving scarcely an indent and not giving any ink.San paused, regarded the pen detachedly, then laid it aside, staring at the paper again, reading the words repeatedly, time after time, until she felt they had been scarred into her brain by their forcefulness.

"Maybe it never is," San whispered, lying back onto the bed, her muscles relaxing their hold.The paper fluttered to the floor, forgotten, as her eyes closed slowly.

Alarms were blaring as San jolted awake.Throwing on her uniform top, she was halfway out the door before it was fastened; she straightened her pants as she ran towards the hangar, brown eyes holding little emotion except a slight shimmering which might have been tears lurking their depths.

She arrived breathless and clambered up into the cockpit.It slid shut silently behind her as she activated all systems and scanned the information that had been uploaded to Valkyrie's computer.A pair of Gundams was attacking; one was the Proteus, the other a Gundam that San had never faced before.From the data she had been given, it was Gundam 04, the one they believed was called Sandrock.She realized all this in only seconds before activating her vernease engines, hurtling towards 04 as she drew her heat whip.Sweat poured down her face as she swung the whip, her brown eyes carrying an almost frantic insanity in their brown depths as her brow creased in concentration._I must win for Mr. Treize…I must!_San told herself resolutely as her heat whip struck his scythe and wrapped around it tightly.She swung with her fist towards the other Gundam's head, but was deflected by a well-timed blow from Sandrock's arm as she jerked the whip back and away.

Suddenly, there was an urgent beeping and she turned Valkyrie's head just in time to see Proteus raising its beam cannon from her left side.Her breath caught in her throat, and she activated her engines, jetting backward just as the shot went off.

_Tetra…_ Something inside of her cried out.Her brown eyes looked from Sandrock to Proteus and back again, eyes narrowing only slightly before widening again, her pupils dilating and returning to normal slowly.

With an animalistic scream, she launched herself towards Sandrock just as both Sandrock and Proteus activated their engines.Her breath came in quick gasps as she pulled her beam saber and fired some of her smaller guns.With wild, erratic swings, she attacked, the green glow of the saber flashing in her eyes.

San's mind was wild as she swung and parried blows, activating the engines as needed, attacking Sandrock and defending against Proteus.She was completely silent except for an occasional untamed cry that seemed to tear from within her; the only other sound were the muffled explosions from the many hits Valkyrie was taking and her fierce, unchecked breathing.

With a rattling strike, Valkyrie's right arm was severed completely; by which rebel, San could not tell.With something akin to horrified acceptance, she watched as her beam saber went spinning off into the void. 

The battle paused, each Gundam floating motionless in space, staring at the others.San checked her readouts carefully, never removing her sight from the rebels as she did so.With a trembling hand, she called up the damage readouts, noticing there was a forty-seven percent drop in power.Maneuverability was down almost thirty percent, and her only remaining weapon was the heat whip that hung suspended from Valkyrie's left arm.

She steadied her hand and gripped the maneuvering control tightly in her fist, tightening the other hand as well.Miniscule shivers ran through her body as she contemplated the situation.She flexed her fingers, narrowed her eyes, and with no sound, launched Valkyrie towards Sandrock, bringing the whip up to bear.

In a move that she could have blocked had she not lost maneuverability, Sandrock threw a scythe.It came hurtling forward towards her, and in that last second her eyes narrowed as she attempted to throw the Valkyrie to one side. 

The scythe cut through the Gundanium in Valkyrie's chest as if it were paper, cutting fuel lines and wires, leaving a gaping hole in the side. With a final lurch, power was lost completely, and the cockpit plunged into darkness.

Outside, she could see both rebel Gundams, not moving, watching as Valkyrie lost momentum.She could see the stars too, shining brightly, a sight that she welcomed as familiar, much more familiar than the muted stars seen from the Earth.She allowed her muscles to go limp in the silence as she felt the shudder of a small explosion from Valkyrie's side, then another.

_Maybe that's why I came home, _San thought, _I came to die._

With a final huge shudder, what remained of Valkyrie's fuel ignited and, in an explosion brighter than the stars around, was reduced to ashes and scrap metal, drifting silently in space.

**_Epilogue_**

**_ _**

The wind blew softly over southern France and what had once been an Oz military base.Now, the structures there stood empty, deserted of all habitation, standing silent watch over thousands of white monuments that stood out brightly against the green of the grass surrounding it.Even in the brightness of the autumn sun, it was a meadow dedicated to war and death.On each small pillar, a name had been immortalized, dedicated to men and women, mostly young, who had given everything in the war of AC195.

In front of one of the pillars that stood among many, a young man knelt and laid down a small bouquet of red roses.Janus straightened, looking down at how the flowers stood out as if bloody against the small monument.He read the words there, already knowing what they would say.

_Lieutenant Commander San Mizuhara_

_Born August 10, AC171_

_Died December 22, AC195._

_ _

It was a simple monument.It said nothing of the inner struggles that she had fought towards the end, struggles that he assumed had torn her apart."For you, Commander," he said softly, "I think death was the only way to keep the promises you made."

"Perhaps it was," a voice said from behind him.He turned quickly to see a young Japanese woman, perhaps about his age, carrying a single white rose.She came forward with a quick stride, staring down at the monument for a long moment before laying the rose beside his red ones."She should never have left home."

"She believed in what she did," Janus said firmly.

"Yes," the woman said, "She did.And I hated her for it.I still hate her for it."

"Is that true?" the woman whipped her gaze to him with a heated glare."If it was, you wouldn't be here."He gave her a nod, turned and saluted the monument, then walked away, leaving the young woman standing there alone.

She stood there for a long time, staring at the white marble and the simple words chiseled there.Finally, she looked away, lowering her head for only a second, before raising it again to look at the marble.She spoke softly."You betrayed us, San.I can't understand it or forgive you.Not yet."There was another pause."Goodbye, Onei-chan."

Without looking back, the woman walked away.


End file.
